Boys and men need close friendships just as much as women, but let’s be real – building and maintaining friendships can be tough. Many of us feel unsure about how to take our friendships to a deeper level, and some of us are just missing a few good buddies.
That’s why we’ve created this page – for you who want to grow relationally, strengthen the friendships you already have, and in some cases, create new ones.
Before you go further, remember one thing: Your friendships are your responsibility. You need to take charge and dare to put yourself out there. The truth is, strong friendships don’t happen by themselves – they’re built over time through honesty, effort, and mutual investment. We’ve met way too many men who’ve become passive in their relationships, and let’s be honest – that doesn’t work.
If you’re not used to vulnerability in friendships, it’ll take extra effort, and it might feel challenging. Relational growth is like working out – it feels awkward at first, but the more you do it, the stronger you get.
Below are some practical tips. We recommend starting small, step by step.
Take the initiative – Don’t wait for others to reach out. Call a buddy, invite him for coffee, a workout, or a hike. If you usually hang out in groups, try meeting one-on-one to facilitate more personal conversations. It’s hard to get to know each other deeply if you’re never alone together.
Be vulnerable – And be the first to show vulnerability. What can you share about your life? Chances are, your buddy will appreciate you opening up. It sets the tone and invites him to do the same.
Show you value him – Dare to tell your friend how much he means to you and express that you want to invest more in the friendship. Worried it might sound “weird”? Just admit it feels a little weird to you too! That breaks the ice. You can also mention Brothers as a conversation starter if that helps.
Be direct – Don’t be afraid to ask direct questions. “How’s work? How’s your wife? You’ve been quiet lately – I miss hearing from you, bro.”
Make time – Regular contact and shared experiences create stronger bonds. Prioritize your friendships – it shows you care.
Be a good listener – Friendship isn’t just about what you share but how you listen. Make sure your buddy knows he can always come to you and be heard.
Go on adventures – Road trip or camping, anyone? Bring good food and light a campfire at night. The best conversations always happen around a fire.
Challenge each other to grow – Invite your friend to be brutally honest with you. If he sees you doing something dumb or heading in the wrong direction, you need to hear it. If he notices unhealthy attitudes in you, encourage him to call you out. That’s how we grow.
Be loyal – Reach out to him both when things are great and when life sucks. Don’t always accept “I’m fine” as an answer.
Put feelings into words – Depending on how close you are, try making your friendship a safe space to practice expressing emotions.
Resolve conflicts – And do it before they turn into bitterness and distance. When you get close, you’ll inevitably step on each other’s toes or hurt each other. Real friendships can handle it. Talk it out and move forward.
Show care – Through words and actions.
Say “I love you” – Three magical words that can transform and strengthen a friendship.
Involve family – If you have a family, invite your buddies to get to know your partner and kids. Different life stages don’t have to ruin a friendship – you just need to learn to integrate friendship and family.
Don’t ditch your bro for a girl – Don’t expect your partner to be your “everything” or your only source of care and love. A healthy romantic relationship makes you a better friend, and a good friendship makes you a better partner.
Have fun together – While we’ve given tips for deeper friendships, don’t forget to do things that are fun or interest both of you.
If you’re having a hard time finding good buddies, ask yourself: Do I have qualities or habits that might push people away? Am I someone who makes it easy for others to be open and honest? Or do I make it harder? Am I trustworthy? Do I tend to push people away out of fear of getting hurt or disappointed?
If you’ve experienced pain in friendships before, it’s okay to be aware of how it’s affected you. It might be tough to reflect on this, but for some, it’s necessary.
If you want to grow, you need to invest time. Reading a book about friendship can really make you think and reflect.
We recommend reading The Real Bro Code by Kim Evensen, the founder of Brothers. This book will challenge you to reflect on your friendships in ways you never have before. You’ll be challenged, and you’ll grow.
You can buy it in our online store [here] or on Amazon. All proceeds from our own shop go to Brothers and our work.
Also, check out this video: “What to look for in male friendships”
Learn about attachment styles – give it a Google search.
Admit you’re not Superman. You’re not invincible – you need the people around you.
If you think you know everything about being a good friend, you’ve missed the point. We can all grow.
Read about the importance of friendship [here].
[“How to Make Friends as a Man”] – article from Healthline.com.
Making new friends can feel harder as you get older – especially when you’re no longer in school or university, surrounded by people in the same life stage. But it’s absolutely possible!
Try this:
Join a club, church, or organization.
Get into a hobby (outdoors, sports, music, book clubs, etc.).
Volunteer – you’ll meet people with similar values.
Be regular at places where people gather, like gyms, cafés, or classes.
If you’re in school or university, seek out places to meet people.
Is there someone at work you’d like to get to know better? Invite them to hang out.
Friendship is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. Start small, be consistent, and don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Your future self will thank you.
“THE BEST SEMINAR I EVER ATTENDED! IT COMPLETELY OPENED MY EYES TO THE SUBJECT OF MALE FRIENDSHIP!”
CLICK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT KIM EVENSEN AND HIS TALKS
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